...Or something like that. I remember hearing this as one part of a broader explanation of the idea of stoicism and I was very confused with how someone could actually do this in the modern world.
Like am I supposed to just abandon everything like work, money, material possessions and my home to go and do a backpacking trip across Europe? I'd love to do it, but now doesn't feel like the right time.
That's how I first thought about this phrase and I knew I had to be wrong about it.
At first, I just started rushing to do things, doing random things with friends on a whim. Nothing planned, just all in the moment. This rush turned to desperation, and when I started realizing this, it clicked with some of the studying I've been doing and I stopped immediately.
The best way to explain this is like a spectrum between being a doomer that desires nothing at all, and running around like a headless chicken doing everything at once like you can't live without being stimmed 24/7.
From my experience, there's a state in-between you should aim for. Let me try and explain the feeling that I get...
It's a feeling of extreme satisfaction. It's as if you've just walked back into your house after an outing that left you feeling as if it were the greatest thing you've ever done in the world. You've got a grin on your face, you feel exhausted, so you go and crash on the couch with a glass of ice tea in your hand. Then you say to yourself "Ahhh-... This is what it's meant to be...".
It doesn't matter what you did, how hard it was, how much you did, whether you won or lost, or how much it cost. You know that you just did your best and all actions were congruent with who you actually are and how you felt in the moment.
It sounds dark, but I actually believe this to be a stroke of artistic realism: You could probably convince yourself, in that moment, that you'd be comfortable with leaving the planet by the stroke of midnight that night and having no regrets.
This is the feeling that I want to chase at the end of every single day.
It might be as simple as sitting down on my couch in the dark and appreciating that I managed to do a full set of calisthenics after work, or I made a little realization about myself that's helped me to see the world better. Recognizing this helps me to know that I'm doing my best every day, and it makes the small improvements visible.
There is still a part of me that believes in the face value of this phrase, but it's not as explosive as a gasoline fire, rather it's a small candle lit under your butt that tells you to plan your experiences strategically.
There are a few major disadvantages to preparing events in the moment:
- Your choices are usually limited to experiences that don't require bookings
- People will tend to resort to "what we usually do" because we are all lazy and don't want to think
- People are more likely to say no or be unavailable
So my way of balancing the face-value of living life as if you'll die tomorrow with reality is that:
- You should prepare things for yourself and also with others in advance
- Always have something new lined up
- And in general, be a little prepared, but not too prepared
As of writing this, a little earlier this year, I just said "fuck it, I'm just going to search up and book a bunch of outings for myself".
So just to name a few things:
- I drove a rally car
- Have done a lot of go-karting
- Went to a few concerts/raves
- I went to Korea
This has practically transformed my life. Every day I feel so content with myself that I feel it. I feel way more connected with myself as a result.
But there's only one word of warning I'd like to express here...
Make sure you pace yourself. Remember that you are a human and if your body is not there, your mind won't be either.
I want to tell you to trust me when I say that sleep is actually the most important thing ever, but I know you won't (because I was the same). So let me propose an experiment for you:
- Book something you really love well in advance (let's use a concert as an example)
- For the first concert, get less than 4 hours of sleep the previous night
- For the second concert, get at least 7 hours of sleep the night before
- After each concert, note how you felt, specifically your energy levels. Were you exhausted? Was it easy to socialize or did it feel like you were wading through mud?
Hopefully once you actually start tracking this, it will make a lot more sense to you, just like it did for me.